Going Down The Valley
It is difficult to watch your parents as they age. It is particularly difficult when you live over 800 miles from them and only get to visit once or twice a year. Each time you visit, you say good-bye, wondering if it is the last good-bye.
This visit home was the most difficult ever. My mom's mental condition had changed so drastically since my last visit home in December. She showed so much confusion. One minute her mind would be clear and the next minute she couldn't remember what you had just told her. This was particularly difficult to accept, as we have depended for years on Mom to be the one to know what is going on. My dad has lost most of his hearing, so he stays confused. Much of his confusion comes from not hearing what has been said. So Mom has taken care of everything.
Mom had spent 10 days in the hospital during the last part of May. When the doctor had released her to go home, she wanted to stay longer because she didn't feel she was ready to leave. That in itself was unusual. She had been telling me they only sent her home with a 1-day supply of antibiotics. She also told this to the surgeon who had treated her for an intestinal infection. When I checked with the pharmacy, it turned out she had a 3-day supply.
Since she is on no new medications, there was nothing obvious to explain the change in her condition. Her family physician is of no value. She said she feels the staff in his office thinks "old people are in the way." Since he came in for his consultation with her with no chart in his hand, I tend to agree. I got her in to see a different doctor, who ordered some tests, but nothing showed up to explain the changes. Now, the question is - do you continue with more testing, or do you just let it go? She will be 91 years old on July 28. She can still do the basic things necessary for life - cooking, taking care of the house (pretty much as well as she always did), driving (scary as that thought is). She cannot give the doctor a medical history, or tell him what was going on with her two hours before she went to see him. She couldn't recognize her grand-daughter's husband in a picture. One minute she recognized an old family friend in a picture and two minutes later she did not. So, what do you do?
Then, there is my dad. He will turn 93 in September. When I got there, he was busy moving logs from a tree he had just had cut down. He would hook up the logs, one at a time, to a boom on the back of his tractor and haul it to a pile near his splitter, where he would be splitting them for firewood later. He was up and down on the tractor off and on all day. He would work a while and rest a while, work and rest. Somewhere along the line, he probably twisted his knee. It began giving him trouble, started aching. There is probably some arthritis in there, also. Since he is permanently on blood thinner, he cannot take most anti-inflammatory medications, so he was self-medicating with Aspercreme and a heating pad, and visits to a chiropractor. After our trip to his Golden Years Reunion, he wanted me to call the doctor to see if he could get a cortisone injection in the knee. Knowing he had just had one in his hip, I doubted the doctor would give him another that soon, but I made the call. The answer was as I thought - it was too soon, and the doctor didn't do knees. See an orthopedist. In the meantime, take Tylenol for his pain. Reassuring advice, considering my dad is allergic to Tylenol and has been to the emergency room twice because of taking it. Same doctor for years. Should be on his chart. So, I convinced him to go see the physical therapist his doctor had referred him to two months previously. The therapist checked his knee, told him he had quite a bit of inflammation, but he felt he would be able to treat it. Began treatment, told him to drink lots of water, avoid going up and down steps as much as possible, take short walks. I mentioned my dad's house has steps just to get in, and he said those should not be a problem. My dad only heard the "avoid steps" so he immediately went home and parked himself in the recliner. He drank water the first day, but that started flushing his system and he didn't like having to go to the bathroom so often, so he quit drinking the water. His knee hurt to bend, so he started walking stiff-legged, which made his hip hurt. I mentioned to the therapist on the next visit that Dad was not walking. He put it in writing - drink 64 ounces of water, walk, bend your knee normally. Dad continued to sit in the recliner or lie on the bed. Now, he has started going to the chiropractor on the days he doesn't see the physical therapist - still staying in bed in between visits. I don't see how he will be able to get around much longer, if he continues this course of action. Up to this time, my dad has always been active. Still preaches every Sunday morning. Splits his own firewood. Still cuts down trees. Up to now, had a haycrop. Mom thinks he has decided to quit living.
So, when - or if - do you intervene? How much do you intervene? Or, do you just let go, knowing they have lived a good life, and should they die tonight, they are living where they want to be? And, as I told my sister, we can only pray that when they go, it is at home and not on the highway, taking someone else with them.
My mom cried when my daughter and I left. So did we.
This has been on of their favorite songs. I think the valley is getting closer.
We are going down the valley, one by one,
With our faces tow'rd the setting of the sun;
Down the valley where the mournful cypress grows,
Where the stream of death in silence onward flows.
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going tow'rd the setting of the sun;
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going down the valley, one by one.
We are going down the valley, one by one,
When the labors of the weary day are done;
One by one, the cares of earth forever past,
We shall stand upon the river bank at last.
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going tow'rd the setting of the sun;
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going down the valley, one by one.
We are going down the valley, one by one,
Human comrade you or will there have none;
But a tender hand will guide us lest we fall,
Christ is going down the valley with us all.
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going tow'rd the setting of the sun;
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going down the valley, one by one.
Text: Jessie H. Brown Pounds
Music: James H. Fillmore
This visit home was the most difficult ever. My mom's mental condition had changed so drastically since my last visit home in December. She showed so much confusion. One minute her mind would be clear and the next minute she couldn't remember what you had just told her. This was particularly difficult to accept, as we have depended for years on Mom to be the one to know what is going on. My dad has lost most of his hearing, so he stays confused. Much of his confusion comes from not hearing what has been said. So Mom has taken care of everything.
Mom had spent 10 days in the hospital during the last part of May. When the doctor had released her to go home, she wanted to stay longer because she didn't feel she was ready to leave. That in itself was unusual. She had been telling me they only sent her home with a 1-day supply of antibiotics. She also told this to the surgeon who had treated her for an intestinal infection. When I checked with the pharmacy, it turned out she had a 3-day supply.
Since she is on no new medications, there was nothing obvious to explain the change in her condition. Her family physician is of no value. She said she feels the staff in his office thinks "old people are in the way." Since he came in for his consultation with her with no chart in his hand, I tend to agree. I got her in to see a different doctor, who ordered some tests, but nothing showed up to explain the changes. Now, the question is - do you continue with more testing, or do you just let it go? She will be 91 years old on July 28. She can still do the basic things necessary for life - cooking, taking care of the house (pretty much as well as she always did), driving (scary as that thought is). She cannot give the doctor a medical history, or tell him what was going on with her two hours before she went to see him. She couldn't recognize her grand-daughter's husband in a picture. One minute she recognized an old family friend in a picture and two minutes later she did not. So, what do you do?
Then, there is my dad. He will turn 93 in September. When I got there, he was busy moving logs from a tree he had just had cut down. He would hook up the logs, one at a time, to a boom on the back of his tractor and haul it to a pile near his splitter, where he would be splitting them for firewood later. He was up and down on the tractor off and on all day. He would work a while and rest a while, work and rest. Somewhere along the line, he probably twisted his knee. It began giving him trouble, started aching. There is probably some arthritis in there, also. Since he is permanently on blood thinner, he cannot take most anti-inflammatory medications, so he was self-medicating with Aspercreme and a heating pad, and visits to a chiropractor. After our trip to his Golden Years Reunion, he wanted me to call the doctor to see if he could get a cortisone injection in the knee. Knowing he had just had one in his hip, I doubted the doctor would give him another that soon, but I made the call. The answer was as I thought - it was too soon, and the doctor didn't do knees. See an orthopedist. In the meantime, take Tylenol for his pain. Reassuring advice, considering my dad is allergic to Tylenol and has been to the emergency room twice because of taking it. Same doctor for years. Should be on his chart. So, I convinced him to go see the physical therapist his doctor had referred him to two months previously. The therapist checked his knee, told him he had quite a bit of inflammation, but he felt he would be able to treat it. Began treatment, told him to drink lots of water, avoid going up and down steps as much as possible, take short walks. I mentioned my dad's house has steps just to get in, and he said those should not be a problem. My dad only heard the "avoid steps" so he immediately went home and parked himself in the recliner. He drank water the first day, but that started flushing his system and he didn't like having to go to the bathroom so often, so he quit drinking the water. His knee hurt to bend, so he started walking stiff-legged, which made his hip hurt. I mentioned to the therapist on the next visit that Dad was not walking. He put it in writing - drink 64 ounces of water, walk, bend your knee normally. Dad continued to sit in the recliner or lie on the bed. Now, he has started going to the chiropractor on the days he doesn't see the physical therapist - still staying in bed in between visits. I don't see how he will be able to get around much longer, if he continues this course of action. Up to this time, my dad has always been active. Still preaches every Sunday morning. Splits his own firewood. Still cuts down trees. Up to now, had a haycrop. Mom thinks he has decided to quit living.
So, when - or if - do you intervene? How much do you intervene? Or, do you just let go, knowing they have lived a good life, and should they die tonight, they are living where they want to be? And, as I told my sister, we can only pray that when they go, it is at home and not on the highway, taking someone else with them.
My mom cried when my daughter and I left. So did we.
This has been on of their favorite songs. I think the valley is getting closer.
We are going down the valley, one by one,
With our faces tow'rd the setting of the sun;
Down the valley where the mournful cypress grows,
Where the stream of death in silence onward flows.
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going tow'rd the setting of the sun;
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going down the valley, one by one.
We are going down the valley, one by one,
When the labors of the weary day are done;
One by one, the cares of earth forever past,
We shall stand upon the river bank at last.
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going tow'rd the setting of the sun;
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going down the valley, one by one.
We are going down the valley, one by one,
Human comrade you or will there have none;
But a tender hand will guide us lest we fall,
Christ is going down the valley with us all.
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going tow'rd the setting of the sun;
We are going down the valley, going down the valley,
Going down the valley, one by one.
Text: Jessie H. Brown Pounds
Music: James H. Fillmore
posted by pawatson at
7/01/2006 07:44:00 AM
